Question: How do you know when senior citizens need help?

Answer: If you’re wondering whether living arrangements for someone you love are working, they probably aren’t.

This is one dilemma most of us put off facing as long as we can. But you must trust your intuition. Small signs—a few missed appointments or medications, lack of attention to personal hygiene, uncharacteristic lapses in housekeeping—seem insignificant when considered separately. Together, the nonverbal clues send a message we’d rather not receive. The prospect of having to step in and help someone create a new way of life can be overwhelming, but this is one problem that is easier solved sooner than later.

The Catholic Church upholds the right to life with dignity for every person. It’s an expression of both our love and our faith to help our elders find ways to live their later years in safety and peace.

However, when we begin making plans on someone else’s behalf, we’re entering territory that may be uncomfortable for us as well as for them. Fear over loss of control and the inability to understand financial matters that once seemed simple may cause an elder to view your concern as meddling—or worse.

As with all life-changing decisions, begin with prayer and ask others to pray with you for the best solution for your whole family. Prayer has a way of opening our hearts and minds to wisdom and options beyond our own.

Mend fences. Bringing about positive change will be difficult if your relationship with your senior has been strained. Too often life can slip past with the need for forgiveness still heavy in someone’s heart. Forgiveness mends fences and makes new beginnings possible, regardless of age.

Spend time listening to your senior family member. All of us, including the elderly, find it easier to accept change when people close to us honor who we are. As long as the person you want to help is of sound mind, the final decision regarding their care should remain in their hands. From the beginning, it is important to work together in a spirit of openness to find solutions that will meet everyone’s needs.

If your senior is suffering with dementia and is no longer able to make decisions or can no longer relate to reality, get help from medical, legal, social, and family resources.